I love this song and get choked up at a certain point every time I sing it at karaoke. But tonight, it was an entirely different part that got to me.
The song is "Anyway" by Martina McBride. I don't tend to sing a lot of Country just because most female Country singers are Altos and their songs are just not as high as I like to sing. Martina is the exception, but most of her songs are depressing (think Concrete Angel, Independence Day, etc.)'"Anyway" is a song of hope. The line I used to cry at was when she said you could sing a song you believe in that everyone would just forget the next day, but you should sing it anyway. Of course this has a lot of meaning to me because of the place music and singing has in my life.
But tonight when I sang it, the last part of the second verse was the kicker. She sings that:
"This world's gone crazy, and it's hard to believe, that tomorrow will be better than today, believe it anyway"
I'm tearing up just typing it now, because with all that's happened with Liam, it is hard sometimes to believe that things will get better. Cliff and I were talking earlier today and I told him that sometimes being home feels more temporary than being in the hospital because we have been there so much.
And sometimes it feels like we make a little progress, or at least stay stable, and then it's back to the starting line all over again every other week.
Cliff says he does better when he takes things one moment at a time, although I know as well as he does that "better" is a relative term. He deals with the stress better that way. Me, well, I DON'T deal with stress well, and I tend to try and take care of everything all at once, almost like I'm hoping if it all gets addressed, then I will have time afterwards to relax and not worry so much. But that is never the case. Life is often an uphill battle with the fights looking and feeling very repeated. Some tasks are never fully accomplished, like dishes and laundry. You finish what you think is all of it, and then realize that more has collected while you were taking care of the first batch.
Liam's health issues seem like that sometimes too. We get one infection taken care of and start to feel like life can return to normal, and then another one pops up, or his surgery is scheduled, or something else. It feels never ending.
But like the song, we have to have some hope. Hope is what keeps us going; it's what gives us courage in the face of uncertainty. It gives us comfort when there seems to be danger. We must have hope, else we be forever lost.